Its 7 months since Hartley was born and I've realised i need to write again.  My gorgeous hubby James bought me some beautiful flowers because i was sad and i've just put them in a vase. I took the cellaphane wrap off, chopped the stems, took the bottom leaves off and wrapped them up in the cellaphane wrapper...........Just like you would wrap up a dirty nappy. I should be wrapping up dirty nappies.

I understand other peoples lives go on.
I understand ours has moved on because you have no choice, because it doesn't stop.

But some days i feel so angry, so bloody angry at everyone who has a baby, who shows a scan photo on facebook and think i was there last year.
I'm so envious.

FUCK OFF,FUCK OFF, FUCK OFF, in my head, only ever in my head.

Today's been hard, its been building up. Photo's of all these babies growing that were due around Hartley's time, all chubby and mum's grinning. That should be me.

That should be me..................